"she has a hand full of records that she turns to when she needs to land...."
- guinevere, by the eli young band.
i am one to look for comfort in music. not sure what i would do without it. and i learn a lot about myself thru music. guess that's why i was the "band nerd" for almost 7 years and why i recently inlisted myself into violin lessons. and a lot of it makes me who i am.
and it's a weird thing. sometimes it's the music part that gets me. sometimes it's the lyrics. words are powerful. i can't tell you how many times i've heard a song and think "that's exactly what i'm trying to say!"
and now i'm at a crossroads in my life. sir walter scott had it right. "what a tangeled web we weave when first we practice to deceive". would love to ask him what made him think in that way. however, i have a pretty good idea. i've recently deceived myself. it's a hard thing to admit, but i let it happen. and honestly, i wouldn't change a thing. i've learned from this. and i plan to carry this life lesson with me as long as i can. but in dealing with all of this, i have had the hardest time to just let it go. i'm not a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of girl. i need a plan. i need instructions. but this past thing, if you will, didn't come with either. and me without a compass, is not a good thing. i got lost. lost my complete emotional sense of direction and found myself somewhere amazing and difficult at the same time.
so in coming back to reality. back to the way that things are supposed to be, that i tried so hard not to allow. i need to land. and i found a song that heals. that tells me in it's own little way that things will be alright. maybe not the way that i would have planned it, but it's not my plans. its those of my Creator. so this is my prayer of comfort. my prayer of peace. with myself and what happened.
all the promises i've broken. all the times i've let you down. you've forgotten them. but still i hold on to the pain that makes me drown. now i'm ready. to let it go. to give it away. take it all. cause i can't take it any longer. all i have i can't make it on my own. take the first. take the last. take the good. and take the rest. here i am. all i have. take it all. all the roads that lay before me. all the struggles i go thru. every second i'm reminded. that it all belongs to you. now i'm ready. to let it go. to give it away. take it all. cause i can't take it any longer. all i have i can't make it on my own. take the first. take the last. take the good. and take the rest. here i am. all i have. take it all. ever since i died to myself. you gave a better life to me. i give you my finest moment. i give you the last breath i breathe.
take it all, by third day.